Nowadays several unhappy things reminded me of some unhappy memories of long time ago.
When I was an elementary school student, I liked to answer teacher's questions in class and have always been the volunteer to class leader or some other kinda leaders like that ... in that case, teachers liked me, and of course I liked them, and besides, doing thoese things made me feel a sence of accomplishment. Then, I learned that being closed to teacher is a lovely student but not a welcomed classmate when I found that noboday liked me in the class. In the enviroment of school, you can't act like that, which means reveal too much ambition, or you'll be called show off. Even now, I remeber very clearly that the farewell party for the graduation from elementary school, in which we had to be divised several groups of 7 or 8 : I was put in a "unwelcomed group", no one wanted to be gouped with me, even my friends they didn't dare to be with me.
Afterwards, I was very low-key person during junior high school and senior high school ... I was very stage frightening since then until the third year of university. Now I still can't believe that I could speak loudly in front of class in elementary but was trembling whild having to have presentation at the very beginning of university school life.
Thinking of those days, I didn't do anything wrong, there was nothing wrong to answer teacher's questions or wanting to be leader in class. But to adapt the school life, I had to change myself to be not like me, even loose my confidence ... then I found myself really tired of the complicated world and its shit rules. I'm no longer the 12 yeard old kid, this time I won't change myself for anybody.
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